A Flash of Inspiration
Finding my creative confidence in a somewhat odd way...
A funny thing happened to me the morning of New Year’s Day. I was scrolling through Instagram when I came upon the above picture of the Kansas City Chiefs celebrating in their locker room.
And at first glance I thought Travis Kelce didn’t have any pants on.
I quickly realized it was only my eyes playing tricks on me, but I immediately dove into the comments section to see if anyone else had had the same reaction as me. (And found out at least 48 other people did!) What a relief to know I wasn’t alone.
Have you ever done this? Had a split-second reaction and then searched through the comments to see if anyone else had the same one too? It made me curious about why we do this. Why do we always feel the need to seek validation for our own experience?
I know in the past I’ve come to conclusions about the way life works, but before I can let myself believe in my own thoughts, I find myself desperately searching online and polling others around me to see if anyone else agrees with me. Only once I find some kind of consensus can I relax and accept my own knowing. What’s up with this? Why is it so hard for us to listen to ourselves?
Some of this need for validation is normal. As social animals, humans are mutuality-seeking beings. Going along with the group, not getting kicked out of the clan, is what kept us alive back when we needed numbers for survival.
In fact this drive to bond can be fun. It’s what makes fandom so enjoyable. What’s led me to join online groups devoted to sharing the appreciation of Sarah J. Maas books, the Poldark TV show, travel in Scotland.
But I wonder if, like much of our conditioned behavior, we’ve taken this habit a bit too far. If we’ve looked to others for validation so much that we’re no longer able to conjure an original, clean opinion of our own anymore.
Creativity, innovation, the ability to find unique combinations that light us up as individuals, requires us to step away from the pack and find the open stillness where we can hear our own voice.
And in a world full of groupthink, merely hearing our own untarnished opinions is hard enough. Actually following that voice, regardless of what anyone else thinks, well that’s another story.
Yet I bet you’re already doing this in at least one aspect of your life. Think about if someone asked you to eat a food you hated. You’d easily say, “No thank you, I don’t like that” and that would be the end of it. You wouldn’t feel the need to explain yourself endlessly or go out and gather a group of people to agree with you before you responded. It’s easy for us to be confident about what we like and don’t like to eat. So why don’t we feel that same confidence in other areas of our lives?
The following is an excerpt of a conversation legendary music producer Rick Rubin had with Anderson Cooper on 60 Minutes. After Rubin openly admitted to playing few instruments and knowing very little about the technicalities of music, he went on to explain his success:
Rubin: “I know what I like and what I don’t like. And I’m decisive about what I like and don’t like.”
Cooper: “So what are you being paid for?”
Rubin: “The confidence I have in my own taste has proven to be helpful to artists.”
This stopped me in my tracks. He was confident in his own tastes. Wow. You mean we’re allowed to do that? Be confident in what we like? Believe in our own thoughts and feelings no matter what anyone else thinks? I know for me, that sometimes feels hard.
It feels scary to stand up and believe in yourself with no proof of your own rightness ahead of time. Yet I feel like that’s the only way I’m ever going to be able to follow my intuition and create an artful life that’s uniquely my own.
Because guidance doesn’t come from an externally-vetted majority poll. It comes from a quiet knowing that has no logic, no statistics, and no guarantee of how it will turn out ahead of time.
In other words, to create authentically you have to trust yourself…without checking the comments section first.
For example, when I was just about to publish my third book an editor suggested removing a section where the main character deals with a mental health crisis. He felt it slowed the story down and didn’t have enough action.
At first I freaked out and immediately rushed to cut the chapter since this person felt like so much more of an expert than me. But then I stopped and thought about how much I loved that part of the story; how important it was to me to include the way my hero worked through her issues, even if other people might find it boring.
I stuck with what I liked and that part of the story turned out to be the one I get the most comments about; the part that resonated with so many people, just as it resonated with me as I wrote it. Thank goodness I stood up for myself and my own tastes in storytelling.
So take a look at yourself as you go about your day. Notice the times when you seek validation and mutuality from others about your own unique, personalized knowing. Then ask yourself:
Can I like what I like without anyone else agreeing with me first? Without feeling compelled to rationalize and explain so much. Even to myself?
Believe me, I don’t think anyone in the world would’ve agreed with me that an essay about following your intuition could’ve come out of thinking Travis Kelce was a flasher. But something inside me told me it could. And because of that, this essay now exists. Ain’t that a kick in the pants?
So, tell the truth….did your eyes deceive you too? Leave a comment and let me know what you saw in the locker room picture!
The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin
Just warning you: You’re probably going to be hearing me quote this book a lot in the upcoming weeks because it’s just so damn inspiring! Rubin is one of the most sought after music producers in the world and the co-founder of Def-Jam Recordings. This uniquely structured book synthesizes all he’s learned about the creative process over the years and shares his big-picture, spiritual approach to creating not just art, but life itself.
Marco Polo Video Messenger App:
I can honestly say that this app changed my life. Described as a “video walkie-talkie”, it allows you to send video messages back and forth with friends and family, and has been integral to keeping me connected with the people I care about for years now. When I try to describe it to people they always say, “but isn’t it just like FaceTime?” NO! That would be like saying “Isn’t calling someone the same as texting?” Because with Marco Polo you can just tape your message and leave it for your recipient to listen to whenever it’s convenient for them. That means I can quickly tape somewhere I’m visiting, show a recipe I’m making, share the baby laughing, all as it’s happening. I use it with my high school girlfriends back home and we’re all closer now than we’ve been in years! Just try it…you won’t regret it!
Parachute Bath Towels:
I was lucky enough to receive one of these pillowy, lush, decadant bath towels from my Secret Santa for Christmas. (Thanks Scott!) Yes, they’re a little bit pricey compared to the usual Kohl’s brands I buy. But let me tell you honey…you’re worth it!