Love Bombs: The gifts that keep on giving
(The holiday season is a perfect time to share this post from my archives.)
Do you ever hit a lull in your day when you’ve got a few minutes in between tasks but you’re not inspired to do much of anything?
My BLAH-time usually hits about mid-afternoon, when my enthusiasm for starting something new wanes and I’m basically just running out the clock until I can crawl in bed with my book.
Over time I’ve discovered one tiny activity that usually gets me out of my slump: I go on social media and just LIKE things. I leave encouraging comments, praise people’s efforts, revel in their accomplishments. I really soak in a person’s post, then I write the kind of words to them I would love someone to write to me someday.
The only catch is, while I’m doing this, I try not to have any attachment to how the other person will receive my message. I try to keep my focus solely on my sincere appreciation of them and how fun it feels to spread some love with no expectations for a response to my communication. (Although it's an added bonus when I get one!)
It’s amazing how, as I practice this, momentum builds and I find my heart lifting, a little smile spreading across my face. My delight in other people’s efforts swells and I start to get this overwhelming sense of the goodness of the world around me; in the innocence and poignancy of how people are out there expressing themselves, putting their hearts on the line, and following their dreams in so many creative and unique ways. And let me tell you, the tenderness of these efforts will knock your socks off…if you let it.
I found out there was a name for what I was doing when I watched Brene Brown’s “Atlas of the Heart” mini-series on HBO Max, which is based on her best-selling book that maps emotions and the language of the human experience. The new word Brene brought to my attention was:
Freudenfreude- The lovely enjoyment of another’s success.
Unfortunately, many of us are probably more familiar with this term’s opposite, Schadenfreude, which refers to the unattractive human tendency to take pleasure in the misery of others. (I’ll admit to feeling twinges of this from time to time. But since the definition calls it a human tendency, I don’t beat up on myself because I am human after all!)
Research shows the freudenfreude is mutually reinforcing and fosters greater intimacy in relationships. They’ve even developed ways to help people increase the freudenfreude experiences in their life.
One of processes is called “shoy” (shared joy) which is intentionally sharing the joy of someone relating their success story by showing interest and asking follow-up questions. I guess I was actually “shoying” all that time online and didn’t even know it!
But, as I said earlier, I wasn’t love bombing or “shoying” social media posts for any particular external outcome. I was doing it because it felt so good to me. (I guess I’m just selfish like that!) Inspirational speaker Abraham-Hicks reminds us why this outlook is so helpful:
If you’re not feeling good at the praise or positive attention another is receiving, then you are in a spot where you can’t let good things in for yourself. When you are thrilled for someone else, you are on the brink of wonderful things!
So, let’s get out there and try our best to rejoice in our fellow humans’ successes. (Or at the very least click a simple LIKE button and actually mean it as you do.) Not only will you feel awesome in the moment, but the side effect of lifting your vibration is there’s a good chance it will send your own creativity soaring. Yes, others will get a boost from the good vibes you share, but the person who will receive the most benefits from that positivity is YOU.
Happy Shoying!
Kiersten
The Unmaking of June Farrow:
Once again one of my favorite authors, Adrienne Young, has written a spell-binding tale that haunted me for days after I finished it. Billed as a novel that delivers “love, mystery, and a touch of the impossible” I found out quickly that the ‘impossible’ mentioned is one of my favorite tropes: Time Travel, baby! I’ll say this: Young knows how to write tension better than anyone I know, using the subtlest of descriptions to paint a whole landscape of a scene. And I'll be honest...I'm not sure I really understood the details of the time travel but it didn't keep me from thoroughly enjoying this imaginative story of love, forgiveness, and the bonds of family.
Aqua Notes:
If you’re like me and get all your best ideas in the shower then this is the product for you! I’ll admit to writing whole paragraphs for my book on this little pad that suction cups to your shower wall. But you don’t have to be a writer to get your use from this unique product…it can capture lists, ideas, and can even be a fun way to write love notes to your partner. It’s a perfect stocking stuffer for everyone!