Thought Bunny #1: The Lyrics to "Dancing In The Dark"
Growing up in the ‘80s I was a huge Bruce Springsteen fan. I’d lie on my rainbow striped bedspread with my boom box blasting through my big hair, basking in his vivid imagery of screen doors slamming and hometown jams and hungry hearts and think to myself, “this guy just gets me.”
But the line of lyrics that always stopped me in my tracks…the one sentence I just couldn’t understand coming from The Boss, of all people, was this one from “Dancing in the Dark”:
I’m just tired and bored with myself.
What was that? Bruce Springsteen…. bored with himself? But how could that be possible? He was Bruce freaking Springsteen, after all! The mega-star musician who played sold-out shows, dated super models, and filled out a pair of Levi’s to absolute perfection. How could a man like him ever be bored with himself?
As a teenager, I interpreted the line as a beautiful symbol of our common humanity. A reminder that no matter how successful a person looks on the outside, they still have their struggles on the inside. (A fact Bruce later admitted to in his memoir.)
What he was trying to say was no matter how successful you may seem, you still get sick of yourself sometimes. You know, with all the forced proximity and all.
But now that I’m in my 50s, that line from “Dancing in the Dark” has taken on an even greater meaning to me. Now I’m starting to wonder if that boredom Bruce so achingly describes points to a way of shifting our perspective so we can get down to the business of really sucking the juice out of this thing called Life.
Boredom is defined as being weary and restless because of a lack of interest. And boredom usually comes from ceaseless repetition and lack of novelty.
Is there any better way to describe being stuck with yourself… your thoughts, your worries, your judgements for fifty some years?
Which made me wonder if maybe it was time for me to become bored with myself.
With time becoming more precious, and so many other interesting things to explore in this life, I wondered…. (cue Carrie Bradshaw voice here) Is it really necessary to think about myself so much of the damn time?
I know, I know. In a culture of self-improvement, self-discovery, fixing this and fixing that about our broken psyches, this disinterest sounds blasphemous. But blasphemy is a place I enjoy poking around. Because I’ve found that underneath a big pile of groupthink is where I usually find the fresh sprouts of new possibilities.
Try this experiment to test how genuine interest feels to you:
Think about a subject that intrigues you, or the memory of some beautiful experience you had in nature, or the exciting idea bubbling in the back of your head you can’t wait to explore more about.
Let yourself sink deeply into those feelings. Okay now:
Think about yourself
Ugh, record scratch, right? Face it…thinking about yourself is boring! At least it is for me.
Because my mind usually goes to some repetitious thought of what I’ve done wrong. I think of that stupid comment I made at work the other day. Or how I should eat better. Or how I should be trying to get more followers so I can sell my book, so that when people ask me if I’m a successful writer I can say yes and not feel like a complete fraud.
When I focus on the details of maintaining my personal identity—as I was trained to do from an early age—I always feel the need to become MORE. Different. Better. And I’ve been doing that for fifty-seven years now.
Thinking this way obviously isn’t making my life more enjoyable. The truth is, it’s exhausting trying to be different than the way you naturally are all the time.
But the other day, out of the blue, I thought: “What if I’m not the point here? What if I’m here to focus on the experience of living. Not me, the experiencer herself?”
And I have to tell you, once I realized I had a choice in the role I wanted my personality to play in my life (as a vehicle through which to enjoy the game …not the game itself) I felt such a tremendous relief.
Be honest: wouldn’t you love for someone to tell you it was time to give up the fight…that you could relax and no longer worry about improving yourself? That you were now free to simply live, exactly as you are right now?
I’m trying that idea on for size and it feels like a lung full of fresh air. I’m starting to realize there’s a whole beautiful world outside my head to experience, but I’ve missed a lot of it by always being so self-conscious…so fixated on how I’m being perceived as Kiersten, instead of what I’m perceiving through her.
Why spend all my energy obsessing over how I look, what people think of me, how I can GET more attention, when there are so many things I could GIVE my attention to?
There are magical stories to write and to read. Murmurations of starlings to watch unfurl across the sky. Games of Tag to be played with my grandchildren. Delicious meals to enjoy with my family and friends. The possibilities available in this playground called Earth are so endless there’s no way I could ever get bored.
It doesn’t seem like a coincidence that one of the qualities of the Flow state is losing a sense of self; the losing of self-conscious rumination.
That seems like pretty good evidence that the persona you’re working so hard to improve isn’t necessary to do great work. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Thinking of yourself as you create is usually more of a hinderance than a help.
And yes, we still need our quirky personalities. But I’ve found when I don’t spend all my time focused on what needs to be fixed about myself, I actually kind of like being me. And isn’t that feeling of peaceful satisfaction what we’re all searching for in the first place?
So here’s another question for you: What do you do when you get bored?:
Do you try something new? Stop doing what doesn’t excite you anymore?
Or do you force yourself onward and endure the monotony anyway, because that’s what you’ve been told you’re supposed to do?
Maybe you need to take a little inventory of what you truly find interesting in your life and what might be starting to bore you to tears.
And to be clear, I’m not negating work done toward further self-discovery. I’ve done it myself for years and wouldn’t be here saying blasphemous things without it.
All I’m saying is, for me now in my fifties, I’m being called to try a fresh approach. I’ve discovered that the more I’ve “let myself go,” the more creativity and new ideas have rushed in to fill the empty space all my navel-gazing left behind.
Remember that Flow State I mentioned earlier? The one where you forget who the hell you even are? I have a sneaking suspicion that when my dear sweet Bruce Springsteen wrote that infamous line about being bored with himself in “Dancing In The Dark”, he was in the Flow… focused on the dancing and not the dancer himself.
And from that place, his dark became light. Not because, but in spite, of himself.
Love Bunnies:
Listening: I’ve been enthralled by this podcast which explores the mysterious world of telepathy in non-speaking individuals with autism. It will challenge all you think you know about how this world works!
Reading: I happened upon the actress Katherine Heigl raving about this fantasy series on Tik Tok so I dove in to see what the fuss was all about. And I have to say I’m enjoying myself. Nothing like a good romantasy to make you forget the real world for a while!
Eating: It’s Lent so that means figuring out some Fishy Friday Dinners. This “Ridiculously Good Air Fryer Salmon” was off the hook, ridiculously yummy. My husband said it “could be served in a restaurant” which seems like a pretty good compliment to me!
As always thanks so much for your support! And I’d love to hear what you came up with when you did your Interest vs. Boredom list. Please reach out and let me know!
“Thinking of yourself as you create is usually more of a hinderance than a help.” — wow, what a light bulb moment this was for me! I’m definitely going to keep this perspective in the back of my mind.